They say you can tell the age of a tree, by the number of rings pressing in around its core. The more encircling it, the more seasoned the tree. This is the image that comes to my mind as I consider the current season of my life. I have reached the time when many of my friends, or their children, are now struck by grave illness. I attend more funerals, deliver more meals, and spend more time in supplication than in praise. My world seems a bit turned unfavorably on axis. A bit of a magnet for the wounded and the broken, I feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of suffering souls. More a stream of consciousness prayer warrior, I am left wondering if I have left someone off of my mental list today as I go to our merciful Father in petition. I count on His knowing the meditations of my heart on most days of late, in my feeble attempt to "pray continually."
I wonder why I make promises I cannot keep perfectly. “I will pray for you.” Unless I have a pen and paper, I have to rely on memory in those fleeting conversations. Praying right then and there. Is it just me, I ponder? Or, do we all fall prey to this spiritual blunder? What is our alternative? “I will not pray for you? I don’t have a pen! I might forget. Don’t count on me to remember.” We could run to our cars or homes and jot down another name, I suppose. I’m sure there are many solutions. Still, I don’t know if this is the crux of the problem. I have a pretty decent memory and can retain a lot of information up to a point, but eventually, I am overwhelmed by the sheer numbers of those in trough times and become frozen, unable to pray at all. I lean hard into my Savior and the Spirit within me who “knows not what we ought to pray for, but intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.” Romans 8:26
Jesus was surrounded by crowds all the time. Those hoping for healing were continually at his feet, literally. In one particular scene, Jesus was almost crushed by a crowd, when a bleeding woman, squeezed through the rings of suffering seekers to touch his cloak. Jesus, at the epicenter of this circle of sickness and sorrow, felt the power leave him. His power was being depleted! It is then, at that moment, Jesus knew someone had touched him.
Was Jesus overwhelmed? Maybe. But, significant to me is that he felt his power leave him. That is precisely how I feel, when I am frozen in my prayer time and my list is lengthy. I feel powerless. I have come before my Savior and I have no words. I don’t even recall all the names for whom I am petitioning anymore. There are too many of them. But, in the very moment I hear another story of cancer, a child’s death or our friend, Gara, in Bosnia who is battling a debilitating disease, someone has touched me as well. I know I am called, like Jesus, to have compassion. But, my power is not like His power. My strength unlike His as well. Therein lays my crisis.
In my arrogance, I have likened myself to Jesus in the story as if my loved ones have come to me for healing. They have not. A prayer and a present may restore and replenish in part, but not in full. So many of us, as caregivers, try to become the hands and feet of Jesus. It is a valiant and noble gesture. We are called to be like Him, but we are not Him. When we are overwhelmed because our power is depleted, it is an earthly power, not a heavenly one. I am not Jesus in the story. I am the bleeding woman. I must find my power in the hem of His garment, just as she, while my loved ones encircle Him, seeking His healing.
We have conditioned ourselves to believe we must, must, must. We should. We do to our own undoing, until there is nothing left for others. We become overwhelmed, then overwrought and are no benefit to those who need us to be like Jesus to them. We, too, need to be restored and replenished, daily, through the touch of his garment.
At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who touched my clothes? You see the people crowding against you,” his disciples answered, “and yet you can ask, ‘Who touched me?’ ” Mk 5:30-31
In 3 days we leave for Bosnia. We are to come alongside our brothers and sisters there to pray and encourage, nothing more, because God will use this gesture of love and grace for His glory. He will provide the healing, the replenishment, the strength they require to keep going, keep reaching the unreached and unchurched, keep persevering. Our prayer request for all of our supporters to pray on our behalf is for God to "help [us] speak and teach [us] what to say" (Exodus 4:12) so that our words will nourish them and edify His people.
We welcome all of your comments, prayers and posts as we FINALLY greet the arrival of our departure day, this Sunday. Please keep checking in as we will update from Bosnia. On behalf of the team, THANK YOU, for your unwavering support of this ministry. We appreciate you more than you know. We are also happy to announce we have exceeded our fund raising goal of $16,800, raising over $23,000! We are so humbled by your generousity and God's grace and provision.
"pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:17-18
Humbly and Gratefully,
Kathy
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