LEARNING FROM LELAND

"A man’s heart plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps." Proverbs 16:9

A year ago, I experienced the great privilege of traveling to Bosnia, not once, but twice. On my team, in both instances, was a professional photographer and, now, amazing friend, Leland Holder. Something about this man drew me to him. In retrospect, I think it must have been his humble nature and his thirst to grow in his relationship with our Savior. There exists a "no holds barred" quality in him, despite what life has thrown his way. His arms, mind and heart are wide open, ready for anything, completely surrendered, with childlike curiosity, knowing if he falls, who will catch him and where he will land. With no sense of urgency, it is as if his heart beats to a creative rhythm none of us can hear -- a special beat defined by God only perceivable by the two of them.

Ironically, however, this man I describe was unsure of the idea of a mission trip at first. He waffled back and forth, whether or not the call to Bosnia was a Godly one or one of his own. The team listened and encouraged him as his heart ebbed and flowed, yet none of us could have imagined this trip without him on it. This must have been an uncomfortable quandary for an unguarded, free spirit of a man. He knew only of his desire to grow spiritually, but like all of us, he questioned his avenue... missions? Am I worthy enough? Can I fly halfway across the world lifting people up through prayer who've suffered the unimaginable? How can I think about my growth in the face of their needs and loss? Leland's humility answered his own questions. None of us are worthy, but the fact that he asked those questions made him an excellent candidate for the team.

I cannot begin to describe Leland's experience there, it is not mine to share. However, I can testify to the fact that he arrived in Bosnia with his head on a swivel with camera and lens attached. Through his lens, he soaked up a country and people as a child would first experience rain. He drenched himself in their culture and was saturated in a love for and by our "family" there, so much so, he returned again in October '09 promising to marry his now wife, Lynne, atop the fortressed walls of Dubrovnik, Croatia. In just fifteen days, the two of them will return on the next team to work with the children of Novi Most ("New Bridge"), a center open to children of all ethnicities and run by Mick and Ali Holstead. These children, the future of Bosnia, are the ones whom have little memory of war. Although, they still live in segregated conditions, most do not like it. They do not necessarily share the generational hatred from scars passed down over the decades. Leland and his team will bring their love and lenses this trip, and maybe, God willing, through the aperture of hope, the youth of Capljina will see a city unworthy of God's love, but freely given it out of grace, nonetheless. Despite the scarring and the wounds, the hatred and the persecution, the past, the recklessness, the questions, the wandering, they will capture glimpses of God's desire to redeem what he has created.

I find it inspirational, a marvel, really, to see how God has used Leland over this last year. Leland had somewhat of a plan, however unsure about it. I don't believe he ever would have imagined, a year later, his journey would have found him in this place on his walk -- married to an amazing woman, (also with a heart for Bosnia) returning for his third trip, and readying himself to share his God given passion for photography with the youth of Capljina ... all with that same childlike curiosity, humble spirit and thirst for more of our Savior.

I am a big planner. But here are just a few lessons I've learned from Leland: Ask more questions, make less plans. God is in the details. You really don't need to have the answers. In fact, you don't have most of them anyway. When planning, think big picture, God is directing our steps.

Humbly yours,
Kathy

For donations to this or any other trip, please see the sidebar under "Want to Know More!"

To follow this team's blog, click on "With Love for Bosnia" under BLOG ROLL in the sidebar.

To view or order some of Leland Holder's photography, you may find it in the viewing gallery at the following website PhotoFactoryInc

PRAYING FOR BROKENNESS

My Internet has been glitchy for months. That's computer speak for - It doesn't work all the time. It's broken! I constantly have to reset the power to the modem, and, well, it's driving me nuts. I am utterly reliant on this technology -- to write, to blog, to pay bills, email, keep track of finances, manage health care, order almost everything... you get the idea. I'm not telling Noah about the flood here, right? We are a society, a world, submissive to technology and have relinquished all power to coaxial cables, motherboards, bits, bytes, and terabytes, gigs, droids, snow leopards, and on and on it goes. We give away power so easily, if it will make our life simpler, faster. If it will make us more productive, absolutely, let's give the power away. However, when there is a problem - a glitch - our flawed thinking comes crashing down like the computer itself, leaving us crippled, frustrated, wondering. How could we trust so much with something so fallible? All we treasure is tied up in a system now held captive and unable to be retrieved. We are powerless.

It's a strange metaphor really. It reminds me of our relationship with God. Like the computer, we believe we have it all under control. We have all the power. God gives us some input, with His Word. A particular sermon drives home a message which seemingly equips us for some service or work ahead, and again, we believe we have it covered. We are grateful and obedient. We follow the code, the internal instruction to the letter. As Christians, there is the misguided notion we run a fairly current operating system, and all of our parts have been fed with the most cutting edge updates. We're empowered.

And, there that word is again. Power! We delude ourselves. If not reconnected to our power source each day, every hour, every minute, we stand to suffer the same plight as my Internet-- powerless. Yet, here is what I am learning. I think that is what God wants for us. He wants us to be powerless, broken. An epiphany for me! I believe it is only through our willingness to exist in a perpetual state of submission, humility, brokenness and powerlessness, that God can actually use us, completely emptied, to bring his Kingdom here on earth.

I just finished reading a book that changed my life, "A Tale of Three Kings." In it, Gene Edwards talks about the kind of person God is looking for as a "student" to groom for greatness, for authority. It discusses those God already possesses...

"He has people who claim to have God's authority... and don't -- people who claim to be broken ... and aren't. And people who do have God's authority, but who are mad and unbroken. And he has, regretfully, a great mixture of everything in between. All of these he has in abundance, but broken men and women, hardly at all."

Hmmmm. This is powerful to me, eye-opening. I admit to have fallen in more than one of these categories. I can see it now, but not until it lay sprawled out in black and white. This and many other passages in this wise, little book help me see how incorrectly I interpret God's desire for me to be a broken vessel, moldable clay, so that he might be able to use me. So that he might be my sole power source, not just my Father whom I praise and consult daily with my questions and petitions. He doesn't just need me here and there. He needs all of me, every bit and byte, tossed about in utter confusion, broken, powerless without Him. I think when we cry out to Him in prayer, "Abba, break me, so I am nothing without you," we show Him the unwavering faith of a child trusting a Father to supply all needs and equip her to do His work as He intended it, not as she did. Such surrender finally sets the captive free, and the captive was never our stuff, our to-do lists. It was us!

Maybe when we pray in this way, as opposed to beginning the day with our litany of petitions, it sounds more like a Hallelujah chorus than a prayer to God. Perhaps that is what Amy Grant was referencing in her song "Better than a Hallelujah" . . .

"We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah."

Sometimes, I find myself disappointed in others, those who might have let me down. I forgive easily, but it only serves as a reminder of how broken we are as a people. I think we are the broken window in the path of a misfired baseball, but with each disappointment, I realize we are more the shattered and ravaged window, mere shards of glass left by the selfish bombings and blasts of warfare raged out of misguided pride and prejudice. The problem with my analysis is I don't always turn my assessment inward. This book has forced deeper introspection. I find myself praying for brokenness more these days. Yanking back the power all the time, from God and others, gets exhausting.

Still in One Peace,
Kathy